More Musings From my Hospital Bed

Life changes on a dime! Yes, I am still in the hospital and yes, things got bad again. The before and after pictures are where I was and what I'm dealing with now. I was transferred to a rehab hospital and once again cellulitis reared its ugly head. 

So what is going on? Why is God allowing this to happen? Could it be for my own good?

If there is one thing I have learned from my hospital bed, God has a plan, and when I try to thwart that plan, He will intervene. Case in point: On July 16th, I was so encouraged by my physio results (I could walk up and down the stairs) I declared to my physiotherapist that I was going home for my anniversary on July 24th, no matter what. I told her point-blank if the orthopedic surgeon said my leg was healed, there was no point in my staying. Especially since I mastered the stairs and I no longer had cellulitis. Her response was, "Laura, you're killing me." She knew more than I about how long rehab takes, but I stubbornly refused to agree to stay for my physio. That is when God said, "No, you don't! Stop being so impatient. I have you there for a reason."

As I said, on Friday, I felt good. However, on Sunday night, I started getting chills, and I knew I was getting cellulitis again. On Monday, my leg began to blister. I knew going home was no longer an option. On July 20th, my ortho doctor declared that my leg was no longer broken, but I needed to get rid of the cellulitis before leaving the hospital. And so here I am. Waiting once again for my leg to stop leaking.

So, what is it that God is trying to teach me during all of this? I believe He is trying to teach me patience. It is my worst fault. I simply don't have any when it comes to waiting on God. More often than not, I will convince myself that, yes, God does want me to go this way or that. When, in reality, it is my own wants and desires. Like wanting to get out of this hospital before I am completely ready. I need to learn to wait on God to act rather than trying to force the outcome I want. I am too impatient for my own good.

So I am learning a new kind of patience. It's not the kind where you have to wait in line for something. Or when you are in a hurry and get stuck in a traffic jam. That kind of patience requires grace to those surrounding us. No, this kind of patience requires me to extend grace to myself. And this is something I find very hard to do. I am learning I am not easy on myself. I have been trying, but I cannot push myself to good health. I must wait for my body to cooperate. I must wait on the Lord. In all honesty, this is probably more difficult for me than having a broken leg or cellulitis! 

Sometimes, we get impatient and can't wait for God to move. Sometimes, He makes it to so you have no choice but to wait. And that is where I am. Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait for the Lord. Be strong, and let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord!" It is the being strong part that I have to learn. To have the courage to wait. To be patient. I think we all need that. 

And now I am being tested yet again to wait patiently on the Lord. My leg is still leaking and is horribly red, yet my doctor took me off the antibiotics that would keep cellulitis at bay. She is trusting in my blood results that it is okay to do this. I have twenty years of experience with cellulitis that says it will return with a vengeance once again. I am, therefore, afraid of what will happen next. My leg has been ravaged enough since May by this infection, so I want to clarify to my doctor that she needs to put me back on antibiotics immediately. In other words, I am impatient and too afraid to see if she is right. I want to play it safe. Instead of waiting on God to work a miracle, I am again trying to force my own will over this whole situation.

Do you do this? Do you have a hard time waiting on God? Imagine what could happen if we didn't take life's problems into our own hands but simply waited for God to move. We could be missing those "God moments." And those God moments are there to make us perfect and complete in Him. So, I will put aside my fear (and my impatience) and wait and see what the Lord will do!

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" James 1:2-4.

---