How Submission Really Works

Read Ephesians 5:22-33

This will be a long post but stick with me because, in the end, you will never have a problem with the word "submission" again.

​Today we will carefully examine a section of Scripture that most women have struggled with for centuries. The modern woman of today finds it highly offensive, and some Christian men misinterpret it and use it as an abusive form of control over their wives. It stems from this verse: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Let's look into the Word of God and find out precisely what it means to submit to our husbands. And how some churches use it as a form of control over the women in their congregations.

Before we begin, please grab a coloured pencil or highlighter and open your Bibles to Ephesians 5:22-33. When you see the word "own," colour it or underline it. Do something to make it stand out. You will see why in a minute. Don't have your Bible handy? Visit Biblegateway.com and highlight the word "own" there. It is an excellent site for Bible study as they not only allow you to highlight, but you can also take notes and save them. So, go highlight the word "own" and then come back here. I'll wait...I'm not going anywhere.

Now that you have done that let's look at these verses in context. At the beginning of Ephesians chapter five, Paul encourages the Ephesian converts to be "imitators of God." So he lays out several keys and examples of how Christians should live and what is expected of them. In my last post, we looked at the Eight Keys to Godly Living, and one of the last keys precedes the verses for today. But before we look at that, let's look at the entire section which says:

17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God (Ephesians 5:17-21, NKJV).

As you can see, Paul is setting the context on how we should live for the Lord and what that should look like in how we relate to each other as members of Christ's body. Last week I shared the meaning behind what it meant to submit to one another "in the fear of God." Here it is again: 

"The word fear in Hebrew is yirah and means "awe or reverence." The "fear of the Lord" means to have an overwhelming sense of His glory or worth. Submitting to one another in the "fear of God" therefore, means we submit out of reverence for God and His holiness. This kind of submission means we do not try to use our wealth, gender or position to "bully" someone into doing what we want. Instead, this kind of submission is done with respect and love for each other and our unity in Christ, out of reverence for God." 

​Now, with that in mind, let's look at the first few verses and the word "own" that I had you highlight. 

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24).

Ever wonder why the word "own" is there? Or why Paul had to make such a big deal about wives submitting to their own husbands? The Ephesian converts were a particular concern for the Apostle Paul because Ephesus was the capital of idol worship in the Roman world. It is here where most idols were made and sold. And it is here where idol worship involved prostitution, orgies, and other sexually immoral acts. This is the culture the Ephesian converts came out of, but it still went on around them every day. It was "normal" for Christian converts to continue in their behaviour because they believed that all gods accepted these types of sexual "worship." So, these sinful acts did not stop because some became Christians. And the early believers were especially torn because of two false doctrines sweeping through the church. 

The first false doctrine spread was antinomianism. Antinomianism is the belief that you could sin all you want and still be saved because of grace. This doctrine is still promoted today in churches worldwide. 

The other false doctrine being spread was by the Nicolaitans. They put themselves forward as believers in Jesus Christ and, at the same time, practiced black magic, offered sacrifices to numerous idols and were sexually immoral, all while teaching new believers that all these things were okay with God. In Revelation 2:6, Jesus commended the Ephesians for hating the practices of the Nicolaitans.

Despite that, these false doctrines were spreading throughout the early church because of the practice of idol worship. This is why Paul stressed in Ephesians 5:11, "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them." He was earnestly trying to help the Ephesians understand what life in Christ was supposed to look like - and it didn't involve the occult and sexually immoral practices of idol worship. Keep this bit of history in mind as you read this section of Ephesians.

Getting back to the word "own" - because of the sexual immorality involved in idol worship, Ephesian wives (and their husbands) thought nothing about sleeping with other people, hence the reason why Paul needed to stress the importance of wives submitting to their own husbands, as to the Lord. 

Now, did you notice that last part - as to the Lord? It goes back to submitting to one another (Eph. 5:21) in the fear of God. So we submit to our husbands because we have reverence (fear - yirah) for God. Why? Because the husband is the head, as Christ is the head of the church and Jesus is the Saviour of that church. So the church as a whole is subject to Christ. We are under His authority. Not in a dogmatic "you do what I say" way, but because His ways (His authority) are for our benefit, that we might become like Him, sanctified, ready to serve Him not only in this world but in the one to come.

Now here is the kicker - we submit to our husbands not because they are superior in any way but because God has placed upon them a huge responsibility for our spiritual welfare.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (Ephesians 5:25-27, NKJV).

Again, keep the history of Ephesus in mind. As wives were to be subject to their own husbands (no longer submitting to other men), husbands were to love their own wives. How? As Christ loved the church. And how did Jesus love the church? He gave Himself up for her! And this is what husbands must do for their wives. Why? For one purpose - to sanctify and cleanse them. Jesus is counting on husbands to see that their wives are properly loved and washed (the Greek word is "loutron" and means bathed) in the Word so that when Jesus comes again, both husband and wife will stand before Him holy and without blemish.

Submission, therefore, has nothing to do with women meekly doing whatever they are told or being subject to the whims of other men. Submission is solely related to the husband and wife partnership entered upon marriage. Women submit to their husbands out of reverence for God, knowing that the husband is responsible for doing everything in his power (give himself up for her) to ensure she will be loved and bathed in the Word of God. 

Ultimately, we are each responsible for our relationship with the Lord. Single women answer to Jesus alone. He is their head. But those who are married enter into a unique covenant with God. The two become one (Ephesians 5:31), just as Christ and the church are one. And their relationship as Christians is made stronger because of this.

Before I finish, I want to clarify one thing:  men who abuse their wives and call themselves Christians are in danger of judgment from God. And Pastors and churches who encourage women to continue to submit to their abusive husbands rather than protecting them are also in danger of judgment from God. The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence (Psalm 11:5).

When Pastor John MacArthur encouraged a woman from his congregation to live in an abusive relationship, shamed her in front of the congregation for refusing to do what he said, and then excommunicated her when she didn't obey him, he was disobeying the Word of God. When her husband was eventually convicted of aggravated child molestation, corporal injury to a child and child abuse (for which he is now in prison), MacArthur didn't even apologize to the woman.

For we are members of Christ's body, of His flesh and of His bones (Eph. 5:30). We are to love one another. That love does not include forcing women to endure abusive relationships. God hates violence and those who oppress others (Eccl. 12:13-14; Mal. 2:16). 

God's Holy Spirit resides in each of us, and He leads and guides us equally. When a Pastor doesn't listen to Him, it can be disastrous. So a husband and wife who read the Bible together and pray together will be much stronger in the Lord and hearing His voice than they would be if they ignored this aspect of their marriage. Therefore, if you keep Christ as the head in your marriage, submission for both husband and wife should come easily.

“The woman was made out of Adam’s side. She was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.” - Matthew Henry